The Break Up Plan
by SeeingXxViolet
Summary: "We're going to get you back together with Amu. How, you ask?" Rima smiled at her own brilliance. "We're going to break up Amu and Ikuto, of course." Rima's dull high school life was about to get much more entertaining. - Tadamu, Amuto.
1. Prologue

**Kitase-chan: Hehe... I wrote this to take a break from the other stories I'm working on, though I think this will become a work-in-progress. This is only the prologue, and is fairly short. I didn't want to spend too long on it. X3**

**Haha. Somehow I love the idea of Rima and Tadase being partners in crime. I can totally picture Rima getting up to mischief, and Tadase somehow getting unwittingly involved in it. Anyway, well, if you don't like Amuto, you'll enjoy this, and if you do like Amuto, you'll also enjoy it. And if you like random crack pairings (I know I do xD), you might possibly be pleased later on. Basically there will be something for everyone. XD**

* * *

The smaller hand of the clock in the Seiyo High School student council's office struck five, and Rima hit the _send_ button, apathetic to the fact that the email was only half typed. She was done for the day. She stretched out and leaned back in her chair, satisfied after another afternoon of extra credit for very little extra work.

Rima looked up in surprise as the door opened – she thought all the other students had gone home for the day. She rolled her eyes when she saw that her surprise was wasted. It was Tadase.

"Why are you here?" she asked him bluntly as he hung up his coat. "You have this afternoon off – remember? You work too hard," she added disdainfully.

Tadase sighed heavily and plonked himself down in a nearby chair. It was a change from his usual perky _'Good afternoon, Mashiro-san!'_ – in Rima's opinion, a welcome change.

But when he continued to look pensive for longer than a shouta ever should, she figured she'd better ask what was up. She tried to do that sympathetic thing that girls were supposed to be good at. "What's wrong?" she asked. "You look upset."

Tadase glanced up, as if surprised that she was in the room. "Oh – hello, Mashiro-san." He beamed at her.

Rima's eyes narrowed. "You look stupid. Don't smile if you don't want to. What's the problem?"

"Oh... um... it's nothing much." He scratched the back of his head, embarrassed. "It's, well... I know Amu-chan and Ikuto are dating now. I guess I'm just having a little trouble getting used to the idea of them actually going on dates." He shrugged and glanced away, and for a moment Rima's heart almost went out to him. Almost.

Two months ago, Amu and Tadase had broken up. More specifically, Amu had dumped Tadase for Ikuto. Personally Rima couldn't see why. Tadase was younger than Ikuto, and had better personal hygiene. And while his naivety was something awful, his sincerity made up for it in leaps and bounds. Rima's opinion was based on her strictly objective evaluation, of course. Well, Tadase had taken the break up pretty hard. He had refused to come out of Kukai's bedroom for a whole three days. He had gone from a vegetarian to a vegan, to a person who only ate junk-food, to a meat-eater, to a person who didn't eat at all, and finally to a pescetarian. He had started reading books written by all kinds of strange philosophers, and he had decided to 'strengthen his human-to-chara bond' with Kiseki by dragging him along to several arts-and-crafts classes attended mainly by women in their late thirties and forties. The women were pleased; Kiseki was far from it.

Yes, his road to recovery had been long and winding. But Rima had thought that it'd been coming to an end. She raised a dainty eyebrow. "I thought you were getting over that."

He turned his hands upwards. "I thought so too."

"Hmmm." While Tadase was lost in thought, Rima's mind started working. Clogs started turning, levers pulling. A small smile appeared on her face as she stared at the spring in her pen, and an idea began to form. While Rima had been just about to give up on the waking hours and give in to tempting sleep only minutes ago, she was now wide awake. School was about to get a lot more interesting, it seemed.

Rima leaned forward. "Tadase."

He looked up at her. "Yes?"

"Are you still in love with Amu?"

"I beg your pardon?" he looked a little insulted at the question.

"Just answer. Are you still in love with her? Do you want her back?"

"I – yes, I'm still in love with her, you know that. And of course I want her back, but how does that –"

"Tadase! Concentrate, man! How much do you want her back?"

"What? A lot."

Rima nodded, her eyes beginning to glint with some emotion that Tadase found unnerving. "Well, we, my perpetual-poster-boy-for-the-stereotype-of-blonde friend, are going to get you back together with Amu."

Rima watched as confusion came over his face, and also the slightest bit of hope. "I don't really... I mean... how do you intend to do that?" He stared at her questioningly.

"Ah." Rima smiled placidly and sat back in her chair, spinning on it slowly. She gestured her hands at nothing in particular, other than her own magnificence. "We're going to break up Amu and Ikuto, of course."

She watched as her words made their impact. Tadase sat back, shocked. Horrified at the very idea. "That's... that's..." He struggled to find the words. It was wrong. It was terrible. It was shameful. And yet... it was perfect. Slowly, a small, devious smile began to appear on Tadase's face, and he looked more alive than he had in months. He spoke quietly, but surely. "I like it. Let's do it."

Rima felt a strong emotion tugging at her heart-strings and threatening to blur before her golden eyes. It took her a moment to realise that this strange sensation was pride. She had trained her King's Chair well. Rima smiled, brimming with joy at this small accomplishment that would in time become so much more. "Tadase, there's hope for you yet."

* * *

**Kitase-chan: So, there's the prologue. XD What did you think? Should I continue? If I do, the next chapter will definitely be more interesting... ohyes. Muahaha. XD**

**So, thanks for reading! Also, I don't own Shugo Chara! X3**


	2. Night In

**Kitase-chan: Okay! Yes. I'm so happy to finally be updating this. I would have updated sooner, but I just didn't expect this chapter to turn out so... long. XD I don't know why it is, not that much even happens in it. Well... stuff happens in it. But you don't want to know about that.**

**XD But if you're still reading then I'm hoping that means you do want to know. Anyway~ I really enjoyed writing this chapter, so I hope it's just as enjoyable for you reading it! :)**

* * *

Dusk was falling. Small clouds dotted the horizon, their undersides rendered pink and orange by the last remainders of sunset, and the sky above settled into a contemplative purple hue. All in all, it was a beautiful evening. It was a little chilly for wandering the town, but just perfect for a romantic night in.

And Rima's nose was wrinkled with impatience as she regarded Tadase. "You're _hopeless_," she sighed, exasperated. "Here – stop fussing, you're messing it up more! Let me." She reached up and carefully fixed the paired strokes of dark green paint on each side of his face. Tadase had questioned the necessity of this, but Rima knew it was crucial for establishing their warrior mindset – they were undertaking a serious mission here, and needed to look the part. "There. All done." Rima stepped back and appreciated her work. Tadase's costume was almost identical to hers – a black sweater, cargo pants, a green bandanna partly covering his blond hair, and hiking boots.

"I feel like I'm playing dress-ups, like this," Tadase commented uncomfortably.

Rima eyed him sceptically. "And you don't when you character transform?" He flushed. Rima turned back to the matter at hand. "Well, first things first. We're at Base A now, and we need to get to Base B." _Base A_ was by the side of Amu's house, out of sight of any windows or anyone that happened to be passing by on the street. Base B was a row of bushes underneath the window that looked into Amu's living room, where the targets were currently situated. _The targets_ being Amu and Ikuto, of course.

Rima pulled Tadase down to the ground and ducked down herself. They commando-crawled along the route that had already been planned out, and only stopped once they were crouching safely in the bushes.

"You seem like you know what you're doing," Tadase whispered as Rima took out her binoculars.

"Hmm? Oh, yeah," Rima responded, looking through the binoculars. "I used to spy on Nagihiko a lot back in elementary school. When I thought he was evil and was a danger to Amu."

Tadase snorted. "You _still_ think he's evil, and a danger to Amu."

Rima thought on this, and shook her head. "No, he's good for some things. Like, he talked me out of wearing that awful dress to that party a month ago. And thank goodness he did."

"Dress...? Oh, that? I thought it was nice. Amu and Yuiki-chan both said it was nice."

Rima checked the hinges of the windows. "Tadase, a girl can have all kinds of reasons and motives for saying something looks nice. Any smart woman knows that if you want to know how it _really_ looks, you have to ask a gay guy."

Tadase considered informing Rima that Nagihiko wasn't actually homosexual, and never had been. But then it occurred to him that Rima might dislike Nagihiko more if she thought he was checking her out every time she turned around, and decided against it.

Holding the binoculars to her eyes Rima stared through the window, and Tadase did the same. From their position they could see the back of the lounge and the television set quite clearly. Amu presently flopped herself down on the lounge and sprawled across it, sighing loudly. Rima rolled her eyes at her friend's lack of poise.

Ikuto sat down beside Amu and sniffed her hair, then wrapped his arms around her. Tadase's shoulders tensed slightly at this, but he said nothing.

"Good," Rima whispered approvingly. "Squash all those negative emotions down inside and they'll rear their head in ugly ways."

"Um... right. So, what's the plan now?" Tadase asked after a moment. Normally on a mission like this he would take the lead, but Rima seemed to be in her element.

"We've determined the targets' positions; now we have to move inside."

"Right. Through the vents?"

"Through the vents."

* * *

They were around the next corner of Amu's house, dismantling the opening to the air vents. They opened it, and Rima crawled in and climbed upwards. After she was well inside the vent, and Tadase had given up wondering why Amu's house had such a fantastic system of vents, she hissed for him to climb up. He did so, albeit unsteadily. Eventually he came to a halt – and found himself directly facing her butt.

"Uh-h... this is awkward." Being the polite person he was, Tadase tried to avert his eyes.

"Be glad it's _my_ butt you're staring at and not pudgy Nagihiko's."

Rima had a point. Not that Tadase thought Nagihiko was pudgy or anything, but just that Rima was the only one he knew with a rear end compact enough that this position was physically possible, without him suffocating. Or her feeling violated.

"Mashiro-san? Do you feel violated?"

"No."

"Oh. That's good." He figured he should check to make sure.

"Hold still for a moment. I need to climb on your shoulders."

"But –" before he could finish, Rima lifted one foot from her small foothold and placed it on his shoulder, and then the other. "Ouch, that's my collarbone... Mashiro-san – ow!"

"What?"

"You just kicked me in the ear!"

"You're a guy, deal with it."

"How does someone who weighs barely anything manage to cause so much physical pain?" he asked rhetorically.

"How does someone with a metaphorical truckload of emotional baggage manage to complain so much about something so trivial in comparison to the rest of their miserable, girlfriend-less existence?"

Tadase was silent. After a moment, Rima began to feel a sensation that was fairly alien to her – guilt. Had she been too harsh? She was never intentionally mean to Tadase – with most boys it was just a reflex. She sighed. "Tadase, I'm s- ... I'm s... uh, s-s..."

"Mashiro-san, I'm alright. There's no need to apologise."

Oh gosh. She'd hurt him more than she thought. "Then why do you sound like you're in pain?" she asked a little hesitantly.

"Your heel is still digging in to my collarbone."

"Oh." Rima lifted her hands up and found that she could now reach the place where the vent bent at a right angle, becoming horizontal. She clambered up, followed by Tadase. They crawled along, until eventually Rima came to an opening. Kusukusu giggled and kicked her feet in excitement, from her position in Rima's pocket. "Shh, Kusukusu," Rima berated quietly, then whispered back to Tadase.

"Tadase, we're directly above the phone table."

"What's happening?" he whispered back.

"It looks like Ikuto's ordering pizza." She listened closely, and sure enough, that was exactly what he was doing. "Pepperoni. It's the only kind Amu..."

"...likes," Tadase finished in unison. Understanding dawned. "Oh. That's why you sent Kiseki..."

"Uhuh." When Rima had ordered Kiseki to go and get a seafood pizza, he hadn't taken it well. Partly because he had severely doubted that a chara his size could carry a pizza, and partly because he was opposed to stealing – as there was, of course, no way he would be able to _buy_ a pizza – but mostly, it was because he was so adverse to hearing orders from anyone but himself, or Tadase. And so of course he was adverse to following them. But after much pleading on Tadase's part, he had eventually agreed.

Rima peered down, and saw Ikuto walking back into the lounge room. She took out a crowbar and removed the vent screen. Tadase muffled a giggle.

"What?" she turned her head around.

"Nothing," he said. "It's just, a crowbar is fifth on Kukai's list of the top ten sexiest objects for a girl to own."

"What's number one?" Rima asked curiously.

Tadase giggled further. "Believe me, it's not what you would think."

Rima raised an eyebrow. "I didn't know Kukai was the kinky sort."

"The things you find out while sneaking around in ordinary household ventilation systems," Tadase mused, a little wistfully. He sighed, and then chuckled again. Rima coughed to conceal her amusement, then gave up and laughed outright. Oh, Kukai. Shaking her head, she turned back to the matter at hand.

She looked down at the phone table. Ikuto and Amu were in the other room, and judging by the sounds they were making, they wouldn't notice much else. She realised that this would probably be easier if she and Tadase just character transformed, but that would involve glowing and sparkles and naked bodies and snazzy background music... it was just too much on a lethargic autumn night like this. Put simply, she couldn't be bothered.

Rima turned and dangled her legs out of the vent. "Tadase, hold my hands," she said, and he did so. He lowered her down, and she swung a few times before landing neatly on her feet.

"Why are you never that graceful in PE?" Tadase muttered. He tried to climb out easily himself, but was made nervous by the glares Rima was giving him, and fell onto the phone table, breaking it.

"Ow..." he groaned, sitting up and rubbing his elbow. Rima helped him up, mouthing for him to be quiet.

They listened for any signs that the targets had found them out, but all they heard was Amu squealing, "No! Not footsies again!" followed by a peal of silly laughter.

"One pain after another," Tadase grumbled, pulling out his walkie talkie. "Kiseki," he said into it, "Are you there?"

They listened for a moment, and Kiseki responded. "Yes, I'm at the doorbell with the seafood pizza. And it's heavy. And it smells."

"Okay, that's good. Good work. Leave it on the doorstep, ring the doorbell, and hide," Tadase said quietly. Kiseki did so, and Ikuto got up off the couch.

"Idiot," Rima hissed, "he has to walk past here to answer the door!"

"Well, coming down here before we needed to was your idea!" Tadase hissed back. But he was silenced when Rima shoved her hand over his mouth and pulled him down into Ami's box of soft toys. They buried themselves under the mound of rabbits and teddy bears, and peered out. Ikuto opened the door.

"Huh?" He stared blankly down at the pizza box. "No pizza guy...? How do I pay?" he asked out loud.

"_Take the pizza and leave the money on the doorstep,"_ Tadase commanded in a deep, slightly growly voice. Rima froze. _What the hell is he doing? _But to her surprise, it actually worked. Ikuto shrugged and left the money outside the door, and took the pizza back into the lounge room.

Rima stood up, combing her fingers through her hair. "He-hey," Tadase grinned and, climbing out of the box, headed for the door.

Rima rolled her eyes. "Where are your priorities?"

"I'm just letting Kiseki in," he protested innocently, eyes wide.

He did so, and then they watched and listened for what would happen next.

Ikuto sat down lazily on the couch and dropped the pizza on the low table, in front of himself and Amu. Amu sat up, ready to dig in. She happily and unsuspectingly opened the box. And stared.

And scowled.

"Ikuto," she said quietly, obviously trying hard not to slip into freak-out mode, "This is a _seafood_ pizza."

His eyes rolled over it with a lack of interest. "Huh. So it is."

She was silently seething. _Here it comes..._ Rima thought to herself. "You know that I hate seafood pizza."

Ikuto lolled his head back and inspected a nail. "That rings a bell, yes."

_There it is._ Amu stood, her face flushing indignantly and her fists clenched tightly in outrage. She towered over Ikuto. The atmosphere seemed dark and destructive around her – the very air murmured fury. _"Then WHY the HELL dID You ORDER A SeAFOOd __**PIZZA?**__"_

Ikuto was remarkably less afraid for his life than Rima would have thought. He curled up on the lounge, sighing and putting a forearm over his eyes. "Don't screech, you'll give me a headache."

The dangerous part was over. Amu slumped back on the lounge – as far away from Ikuto as she could possibly be while still sprawling in that unladylike way, Rima noted – and her face settled into an expression of pure sulkiness. Amu and Ikuto were alike in some ways, Rima thought, at least in that they were both so badly behaved. After a while, Amu got up from the couch and went to sit in a beanbag with her torch. Rima didn't bother wondering why the heck she had a torch. Ikuto reacted by yawning and stretching out, taking the whole lounge to himself. He smiled indulgently as he rolled about, deciding which position was more comfortable.

The odd little scene played out for several more minutes. Amu started flicking her torch on and off. Ikuto twitched at the noise. Then Amu realised she could bother him further by shining the torch in his eyes. She waved it back and forth, directing it at his closed eyelids, and Ikuto scowled just slightly. She raised the brightness level bit by bit, and eventually he snarled like a cat and turned to face the other way.

But just when Rima began to think that this little tiff might actually be enough ruin their romantic night in, and she and Tadase could go home early, Amu made a display of naive sweetness that she and she alone could pull off. She stood up from the bean bag and walked wordlessly over to Ikuto. She settled down next to him and, closing her eyes leaned her head against his chest. She nestled herself against him, fingers closing around the fabric of his shirt. Ikuto responded by nipping her playfully on the ear. "Let's not fight..." Amu mumbled sleepily, giving a tiny sigh. Ikuto nuzzled his head against Amu's, wrapping his arms protectively around her. Amu looked up innocently and started to trail her fingers along his neck.

They needed some mood-killing, now. Rima looked around, but Tadase was one step ahead of her. Face set deliberately still like he was resisting the urge to gag, Tadase reached into his backpack and pulled out the item they had brought just in case this happened. He nodded to Rima and commando crawled along the carpet, and Rima and their charas took various lookout positions as around the room. Tadase reached the stereo just as Amu let out the slightest moan. Then she squealed. "No! Notfootsies!" Tadase slammed the CD into the CD player and hit _play._

"EXPERIMENTAL PATHOGENS A DEVIL'S DESIGN - THE DARK SIDE OF SCIENCE BREEDS A WEAPON OF WAR – CONTAGIOUS KILLING AND INTERNAL DISTRESS – HOMICIDE OR –"

"What the _hell?_" Amu shrieked over the sudden sound of distorted guitars, fearsomely guttural screaming and drum-kits being thrashed. "Where is it – what is – argh!" She leapt up off the couch, clamping her hands over her ears and searching for the source of the din. Tadase was able to slip behind a curtain unnoticed, and Rima scurried back to her previous hiding spot.

"ERRATIC ACTIONS LEAD MY THOUGHTS TO THE BLADE – I'VE LOST CONTROL, I'VE LOST CONTROL –"

Amu's hair seemed to actually be standing on end from the force of the sound. Ikuto, sensitive violinist that he was, just couldn't handle this kind of music. His face drained of colour and he curled up with his hands over his ears, shaking. "Whatever it is, just – _please_ make it stop," he begged Amu.

Amu whipped her head around. "The stereo! Where'd I put the stereo?"

"DISEASE HAS SPREAD – YOU PRAY FOR DEATH – EVISCERATION PLAGUE – STABBING COMPULSION OVERWHELMS MY MIND – TERRORISED SCREAMING FOLLOWS THE THRUST –"

Rima thought that Ikuto might actually faint. Amu finally found the stereo – by kicking her toe on it – and she viciously wrenched it from the power chord. She dropped it on the ground and slumped over it, catching her breath. While they were still dazed, Rima crawled towards Tadase and joined him behind the curtain. Kiseki and Kusukusu were already there.

Rima gave them a thumbs up. "I think that went well," she whispered.

Tadase smiled and nodded. "Yeah. Better than I expected." He chuckled.

They turned their attention back to Amu and Ikuto. "Let's just change into our pyjamas and get ready for bed now," Amu was saying. Ikuto seemed to have recovered, at least enough to try to lick her face before he grabbed his pyjamas and headed towards the bathroom.

Tadase was outrageous. "He's sleeping _over_?" he whispered furiously.

Rima had anticipated this. "I thought he might."

"You did?"

"You're so hopelessly naive."

Tadase blinked, trying to figure out what she could possibly have been implying. Finally he sighed. "Normally I trust Midori's judgement, but _really_..."

"Midori?"

"That's Amu's mother-"

"I know who Midori is! Tadase, you've used honorifics with _furniture_ before. And you're on a first name, no-honorific basis with Amu's _mum?_"

"She gets me, okay?"

"What...? Well, let's concentrate on the matter at hand." Rima handed Tadase a bundle from their backpack. "We've been over this, alright? Just do what I told you." Tadase nodded, and reluctantly snuck into the bathroom behind Ikuto before the door swung closed.

Amu's downstairs bathroom had a row of small cupboards next to the shower, and while Ikuto's back was turned, Tadase crawled inside. He wasn't as slight as when he was a child, but he was still smaller than Ikuto – and just small enough to fit inside. Still, it was a tight squeeze.

Ikuto placed his pyjamas on the corner of the bathtub. While he glanced away, Tadase took them. Ikuto undressed and placed his clothes on the corner of the bathtub. Tadase took those, too.

Ikuto reached down for his pyjamas. He turned and stared. "Um... what?"

It took Ikuto half a second to realise both changes of clothes were missing. It took him nearly seven times that long to realise that this was a problem. He looked around, rubbing his hair in confusion. "Where the hell...?"

And then Ikuto proceeded to turn the bathroom upside down. He looked in the shower, on top of the closet, everywhere. He even checked the toilet bowl. "Dammit," Ikuto cursed. What was Amu going to think? Would she think he was a pervert? No, she already thought that. "She's going to think I'm some kind of criminal..." he grumbled to himself. As a last resort, he opened the door to the row of cupboards.

Tadase froze. Between himself and Ikuto were a mop handle, a bucket, and a large basket of roundish, pastel-coloured sponges in green, pink, blue and yellow. Tadase knelt down and shoved his head in the basket, hoping, for the first time in his life, that he looked like a sponge.

Ikuto stared. And apparently, he fell for it. He closed the door to the cupboards, allowing Tadase to carry out the next part of the plan. With great stealth Tadase reached out and placed the bundle Rima had given him on the floor next to Ikuto's foot; as Ikuto stood with his hands on his hips in the middle of the room, stark naked and wondering what the hell he was going to do about it.

Ikuto glanced down. He saw the pile of material at his foot. Could it be... clothes? Ikuto looked heavenwards and mouthed _'Thank you,'_ and picked them up.

He held them out in front of him. And this time, he glared heavenwards. "Is this some kind of joke?"

In Ikuto's hands was a pair of pyjamas that would fit him, oh yes. But this salvation was marred by the fact that the pyjamas were pink, lacy, and covered in fluffy bunny rabbits.

_Kill me now._ Ikuto closed his eyes and didn't move, as if by remaining naked for just a few moments longer he could win the favour of some all-powerful, omniscient fangirl somewhere and be magically saved from this bizarre situation. But there was no such luck. He donned the pyjamas as quickly as possible, and walked out into the living room to face his fate.

Ikuto stood before Amu. She looked up at him for just one moment. And burst into hysterical laughter.

"W – w – wha –" she tried to say in between gasps. "W-what the – heck are you – w-_wearing?_" She thumped her fist on the lounge where her charas had been sitting, and they flew out of the way in fright. "Ohmigah – oh my – _oh my gawshlawd_ Ikuto! You are too – you're so – G_aaah-_hahahaha_haaagh!_" She gripped the arm of the lounge and shook it ferociously, laughing so hard that Ikuto thought she might crack a rib.

Ikuto was actually blushing. "You don't have to laugh," he scolded, sitting on the lounge and crossing his arms. "And anyway. It just so happens to be Pink-haired People Appreciation Day in Germany. I was trying to support you."

"P-pink-haired – People – _Appreciation Day!_" Amu screamed wildly. She wiped away tears of mirth and tried to stand up, though it took her a few more moments. During this time, Tadase had silently crawled out of the bathroom and rejoined Rima in their hiding place. Rima hadn't lost it nearly so much as Amu had, and was giggling just slightly. She noted this in their list of successes, and they both turned back to watch the scene. Amu wobbled out to the kitchen. "Aaah," she announced happily, still fighting belly-laughs, "I – _need_ a drink after that. Hehee. Ha. _Haaww._" She guffawed all the way to the kitchen, and occasional whoops and shrieks could still be heard while she was getting her drink.

Ikuto looked so genuinely upset that Rima and Tadase almost felt bad. Almost. Not quite enough to wipe the victorious smirks from their faces. But then, Rima grabbed Tadase's arm. "What is he doing?" she whispered.

They both looked on. Ikuto stood up from the lounge. Improvising.

First, he unbuttoned the pyjama shirt so that it was wide open at the neck, and just a little at the stomach. Then he slung the trousers diagonally downwards across the hips, revealing just enough so that Amu would surely blush. He rolled the sleeves up so that one sleeve was at his elbow and the other hung part-way down his forearm. He moved the shirt slightly sideways so that it was crooked. He tousled his hair. And for the finishing touch, he ripped the lace off the collar, wrapping part of it bandage-style around his hand and wrist, and draping the other in his hair so that it hung down beside his face and he could bite it in his mouth. Ikuto arranged himself artfully on the lounge, awaiting Amu's return.

They stared in dumb disbelief. "He... he made it look hot," Tadase said with an odd mixture of disgust, irritation, and awe. "Darn it, how in the world does he _do_ that?"

Rima shook her head, equally stunned. "We'll never know."

Amu came back into the room, still giggling slightly. Her giggles stilled when she laid eyes on Ikuto. She flushed instantly. "I-Ikuto?"

He pulled her down into his embrace. "When you laugh at me, it hurts me so," he said in a low, husky voice.

Tadase turned away, having no intention of seeing what would happen next. Rima looked away as well, feeling deflated. "Well, that backfired," she observed. Then, she smiled angelically.

Tadase eyed her with apprehension. "...What are you planning now?" he asked hesitantly.

She didn't wipe the sweet expression from her face. "You'll see, Tadase-kun." She pronounced _Tadase-kun_ in such likeness to the way Amu often said it that he was frightened further.

* * *

They were in the laundry. More specifically, they were in the laundry with Ikuto's violin case. Still more specifically, they were in the laundry with Ikuto's violin case, which contained Ikuto's violin.

"Mashiro-san," Tadase asked, sweatdropping nervously, "Why are we in the laundry with Ikuto's violin case containing Ikuto's violin?"

She opened the washing machine methodically. "Well, we're going to give it a little... makeover."

Tadase gawked. "We're going to put his violin in the washing machine?"

Rima tapped her nose. "You got it."

Tadase saw the benefit of this. With his violin harmed, Ikuto would be far too distressed to try anything funny with Amu. Maybe he'd even blame her for it – she was always misplacing things. Or avoid coming to her house again. Or something that would end up in some sort of argument.

And yet... "Do you think that might be a bit... much? Ikuto's father gave him that."

Rima sighed. "Relax, I did my research, you know. This isn't his. Ikuto is just renting this violin while his own his getting serviced. He'll have to cough up several hundred bucks, maybe more. But he won't be scarred for life."

Tadase's conscience was clear. "Okay, Mashiro-san," he beamed. "Let's do it!"

They smiled enthusiastically and took the violin out of its case. Rima held it up, dangling it above the machine.

"Wait." Tadase caught her arm. "Do you think we should say a few words?"

Rima rolled her eyes. "Okay. Nyan nyan, nyan nyan, ni hao nyan. Gorgeous, delicious, and deculture."

And with that, she dropped the violin into the washing machine and closed the lid. She hit the _start_ button, and after a moment they could hear the rapid spinning of the machine and the screeching of splitting wood.

Downstairs in the couch, Ikuto's ear twitched. His eyes widened. "What...?" He bolted up from the lounge and raced upstairs.

"Ikuto?" Amu questioned. She followed him upstairs and found him in the laundry, on his knees, holding the shards of broken wood. His eyes stared in front of him, seeing only pain.

"How could this happen...?" he murmured disbelievingly. He clutched the pieces to his chest.

Amu hugged him comfortingly. "These things happen. The lucky thing is that no one got hurt."

Tadase could have gagged. He _did _gag. In their hiding place, Rima held a towel in front of his face until she was sure he didn't need it. "What... the..." he gasped raggedly.

"It's best we don't try to understand," Rima advised. Her mouth turned downwards slightly; she was not impressed with the way the night was turning out.

"Rima..." Kusukusu said, floating up to her ear. Rima nodded.

"Listen, Tadase. We have one last resort for tonight. But it will take great stealth, coordination and skill. Our timing will have to be perfect."

Tadase nodded, ready to try anything. "What do we do?"

* * *

They had taken their positions. Rima stood in the coat closet by the front door, and Kiseki hid under a small table just across from her. Tadase was outside in the garden, with a walkie talkie. And lastly, Kusukusu floated high in the air above the front door.

"Okay," Tadase's voice came through the walkie talkie. "I can see their car."

The closet door was open just a sliver. Through it Rima signalled Kusukusu. Kusukusu giggled. And then she dropped a bucket of pancake mix all over the floor.

The bucket was a metal one, and made a loud clanging sound when it fell. Soon, Amu came to see the cause. "What _now?_" she grumbled. She gaped at the mess on the floor.

"They're walking up the stairs!" Tadase whispered urgently into the walkie talkie. Amu came over to clean up the mess, and Rima nodded to Kiseki, who darted out beneath her feet and tripped her over. She landed in the pancake mix with a _squelch._

"Ow..." she groaned, rubbing her behind.

"Amu?" Ikuto came out into the hall to see what the problem was. _Hurry... hurry..._ Rima was thinking.

"They're at the door!" Tadase hissed. Ikuto walked over to help Amu up.

"Geez, you're such a klutz..." he was saying.

_Now._

Rima silently and swiftly opened the door of the closet and pushed Ikuto from behind. He lost his balance and toppled over, falling on top of Amu. At that very same time Kiseki whispered _'Boo!'_ in Amu's ear, scaring the living daylights out of her. She reacted by shrieking and throwing her arms and legs out in random directions. One leg ended up hooked over Ikuto's shoulder and the other around his waist, and he stared down at her in shock. Amu's shirt had somehow been pulled upwards in the conundrum, baring her midriff.

And just at that moment, the door opened and Amu's parents walked in.

Tsumugu reacted like a character in a Greek tragedy, displaying his woe in various histrionic ways. Midori, however, stared down at her teenage daughter and her teenage daughter's five-years-older boyfriend with a chilling scowl.

"And what," she asked, her voice iced in disapproval, "Is going on here?"

* * *

**Kitase-chan: And that wraps up this chapter! XD *is a little relieved***

**Well, what did you think? I think I deteriorated more into pointless randomness towards the end. xD I do that a lot OTL**

**So, I hope you please review and tell me what you think~ and also, I don't own Shugo Chara!, the song _Evisceration Plague_ by Cannibal Corpse, or the Nyan Nyan song and dance.**

**Thanks for reading! :)**


	3. Don't Trust A Who?

**Kitase-chan: Woot! Chapter three. Thanks for the lovely reviews of last chapter! I've nothing much else to say at the moment, so, I'll let you guys read it. Cx**

* * *

Amu Hinamori stuck a bobby-pin in her pink hair and leaned her head in her arms on the table before her. It was a sultry school day, and their group of friends were studying in the library. Hot sun shimmered through the window, almost teasing them. Amu, Tadase, Nagihiko and Rima were giving a presentation next class, but Amu couldn't concentrate. "I'm grounded. For a week or more. And I can't see him or contact him at all during that time." By _him_, of course, she was referring to Ikuto. Rima raised one eyebrow, but said nothing. Most teenagers would probably find a way around the whole banned-from-being-with-the-one-you-love thing, but with Amu, directly disobeying her mother would probably never cross her mind.

Which meant that Rima and Tadase had succeeded in getting Ikuto out of the picture for the time being. And now it was time to put Tadase back _into_ the picture, with the help of the classic make-your-ex-jealous scenario.

And making people jealous was Rima's forte.

Rima tilted her head and leaned close to Tadase, who had started fidgeting terribly as soon as Ikuto had come up in conversation. Which was probably three hours ago by now. He looked up at Rima's movement, his eyes questioning, '_Now?'_

Rima saw the problem he had spotted – Amu wasn't looking at them. The lovesick fifteen-year-old girl was still staring dully at the table. For this to work she had to be _looking,_ dammit. Rima scowled and kicked Nagihiko hard in the shin, because of course this was all Nagihiko's fault.

Nagihiko yelped loudly and Amu's head popped up. Getting the reaction from Amu that she wanted, Rima quickly leaned up and wrapped her arms around Tadase's neck. He almost ruined their act and glanced in Amu's direction, but Rima caught his head just in time. "Don't slip up. Focus."

"Okay... what do I do now?" he whispered, staring convincingly into Rima's eyes.

"Flirt a little bit. You don't have three fan-clubs and a stalking club for no reason, you know."

"Okay... What? I have a stalking club?"

Rima giggled daintily and flung her hair over her shoulder, nuzzling her face against his. "You're _so _funny," she drawled.

"Hey, who's stalking me? What do they do?" he whispered, sounding alarmed.

"_Bite me,_"she said savagely. "Oh – Tada_seeeee_ – don't you dare bite me!"

"...Huh? Oh." Tadase rolled his eyes upwards to look at the ceiling as he positioned his teeth over Rima's ear, but didn't bite her. He had tried biting a girl once, and did _not_ want to relive the experience.

Rima giggled and pulled his necktie towards her, until he coughed on her ear. Her eyes narrowed.

"Can't – breathe –" Tadase gestured urgently to his tie, and Rima let go. Satisfied with the little scene they had made, Rima sent a smug glance towards Amu. Judging by her confused and slightly hurt expression, it had gone well. Rima had to admit that Tadase's breathlessness was a nice touch, despite it being unplanned.

Nagihiko sighed and dumped his stack of papers on the table. "There. The assignment's done. Now all you guys need to do is read from your palm-cards and we should be fine." He glanced around at each of them with an air of condemnation. "I don't know why the three of you were so preoccupied this week that you couldn't manage to contribute a little more, but I must say I'm disappointed."

"Yeah, yeah. We care." Before Tadase could start apologising, or worse, start _explaining_, Rima grabbed their palm-cards and yanked him off towards class.

* * *

They arrived in the classroom before the teacher and other students. Rima closed the door and locked it with a little smile on her face.

Tadase looked at her questioningly. "Why did you lock the door?"

Rima shrugged. "I just felt like it." They soon heard door handle shaking and someone tapping.

"Oh." Tadase paused. "I don't think I can do this making-her-jealous thing."

"Why not?" Rima sounded slightly incredulous.

"I'm... no, never mind."

Rima raised her eyebrows at him. "Are you sure? You're totally okay with this?"

He nodded. "Yes. I'm sure."

Nagihiko finally succeeded in picking the lock, and the classroom door swung open. "What is _wrong_ with you?" he demanded of Rima as Amu followed him inside and slumped in the teacher's chair.

Rima smiled sweetly. "Oh, you were trying to get in?"

Tadase cackled at this. Yes, cackled. Amu's eyes widened in fright and Nagihiko scowled. Rima felt a flash of joy. "Tadase, that's the spirit. Cross-dresser, follow Tadase's example and show a little more enthusiasm." She hummed and busied herself with organising her palm-cards.

The teacher walked in. "OUT OF MY CHAIR!" he barked at Amu, and the girl scurried away from his chair and darted under a table. After some coaxing from Nagihiko and some more uncharacteristic cackling from Tadase, she crawled out and rejoined them at the front of the class. The rest of the students piled in.

When attendance had been taken, the group commenced their presentation. Amu spoke first, racing through her lines. Tadase noticed that she deliberately left out about three paragraphs. Students watched her with their eyes glazed in admiration, nevertheless. After Amu it was Nagihiko's turn, and he added to his own argument the parts she had left out of hers.

Rima smirked. This lengthening of his speech provided them with a convenient amount of time. She edged closer to Tadase.

"Tadase," she whispered urgently, her soft voice filled with the sudden enthusiasm that warned him she had an idea.

"Yes?" he whispered back, trying not to draw attention to them.

"Put your hand on my breast."

It took Tadase a moment to process this. "What?"

"Sshh, are you trying to make people look at us? I said, put your hand on my breast."

Tadase kept his voice hushed. "Right now? In front of the entire class? We're giving a presentation!"

"Yes, now. Trust me, this will work."

Amu and Nagihiko both shot glances at them, wondering what they could be discussing. Tadase hesitated, and lowered his voice further. "Just put it... there?"

"Yes. Just reach out and put it there. Don't say anything – be casual, like you do it every day."

"Well... okay, then..." Rima faced him with her side to the class to make things a little easier. Tadase took a breath to steady himself, and then reached out and placed his hand on Rima's lovely lady lump.

It was at exactly 11:00am on the 13th of June, at the age of fifteen, that Tadase Hotori learned the true meaning of the word awkward. Students stared. The teacher stared. A staff member who happened to be walking past the classroom just at that moment stopped and stared. Amu's eyes widened for a moment in involuntary hurt before she shook it off. Nagihiko stopped speaking and turned when he realised no one was listening to him. Judging from the look on his face, Tadase wondered if Amu wasn't the only one they were making jealous. But it was difficult to concentrate on any of those things when Rima's breast was so soft and supple and he _was_ a teenage boy after all and it was just so _warm_ and don't think about that don't think about that don't think about that –

"A_hem."_ The teacher recovered from his momentary shock and glared at Tadase. "You are causing a disturbance."

Tadase would have begged to differ – he would have argued that Rima was in fact the one causing the disturbance – but he figured it was best to not push his luck, so he removed his hand at once. He ignored the shimmer of barely concealed laughter in Rima's eyes as he apologised, "Yes, Sensei. Sorry, Sensei." Some students snickered, and his beet-red face went several shades brighter.

The teacher sighed. He would not have expected this. Well, that wasn't quite true – he would have expected this, just not from Tadase. "The four of you can finish now. I've heard – and _seen_ – enough to mark you."

Amu and Nagihiko trudged to their desks. But Rima surprised Tadase when she asked, "May Tadase and I go outside for a moment, please?"

There were more snickers from the class. The teacher scowled and shooed them out. "Yes, yes, do whatever you've got to do," he dismissed them in exasperation.

Outside the classroom, Rima doubled over in uncontrollable laughter. "I can't –" she sobbed, "I can't _breathe!_" She attacked Tadase physically, little fists flying everywhere. "That – was just – wonderful!"

This was even more bewildering for Tadase than the events of the last five minutes had been. "Mashiro-san, are you alright?" he asked in serious concern as she tried to collect herself.

"I'm fine..." she took several deep breaths and wiped her eyes. "I'm fine." Once she was calm, she looked up at Tadase with wide eyes. "I'm respecting you more and more by the minute."

It seemed like an odd way to earn someone's respect, but Tadase wasn't going to argue. Since he still wasn't sure that Rima was in a fit state to write, he took out their notebook and marked the 'Making Amu Jealous' attempt down as a success.

* * *

Hours passed and afternoon settled around the school, yawning with drudgery and freedom all at once. Amu was headed down the corridor to her locker. She halted when she saw Tadase opening his.

"Hey, Tadase."

He turned. "Oh. Good afternoon, Amu-chan," he greeted her.

The way he said _Amu-chan_ stung. Just slightly. Before the break up, Tadase hadn't used an honorific with her name.

Guessing her thoughts, a small, regretful smile passed across his face. "It's a matter of self-preservation, you know?" he said quietly.

Amu nodded. She did understand, of course – why he'd been keeping his distance, why those _'How are you? I love you. Now, don't be late for school,' _calls she had gotten so used to in the mornings now happened once in a blue moon. Tadase shifted uncomfortably and turned to place a book in his locker.

Hoping to change the topic to something a little brighter, Amu asked, "You and Rima?"

Tadase looked slightly amused for a moment, and shrugged. "We're not dating. It's more of a friends-with-benefits thing."

"Oh."

Silence hung in the air, but it wasn't awkward, exactly. It was contemplative. Amu found herself studying Tadase. She examined his slightly untidy locks of honey blonde hair, and his dark red eyes. There were hints of shadows under them, but exams were approaching so it wasn't surprising – her eyes probably looked the same. There was still that flicker of unfaltering optimism hidden in the planes of his face. His eyes moved across her when he noticed her staring. He smiled. "Amu-chan?"

Amu blinked, surprised at herself. Even though they were no longer together, she guessed she just hadn't kicked the habit of taking in his every single detail. She couldn't help it – he was otherworldly, like a character from a fairytale. She was drawn in like a moth to a softly shining flame. Before Amu realised it she found herself comparing him to Ikuto. Ikuto was exciting, he was _tempting._ He made her heart beat rapidly. But Tadase never ceased to make her feel calm and happy – talking to him in the quiet, one-on-one like this, she was reminded for just a moment of that. She and Ikuto were constantly up and down, hot and cold, high and low. But Tadase had made her feel as if there was only ever high.

"Oh – I'm sorry, Tadase-kun. I didn't mean to stare."

He chuckled. "It's fine."

"You're looking better. I'm glad."

He nodded. "I'm glad, too." He hesitated, and a look of reluctance flashed across his face for a moment. "Amu-chan, I..." he paused.

"...You what? Tadase-kun?"

He shook his head, laughing silently at himself. "It's nothing. Don't worry." He closed his locker.

"Oh." Amu gestured in the direction of her own locker. "I need to stay..."

"Yeah. I'd better go. I'm catching the bus early." Tadase readied himself to head out of the school. "See you tomorrow?"

Amu nodded. "See you, Tadase-kun." He smiled and waved, and then he was gone. Amu turned and walked away; wondering, for the first time in two months, if maybe she had made the wrong choice.

* * *

Tadase hopped off the bus and glanced around the city mall. Mashiro-san was supposedly here somewhere, but he didn't know how on Earth he was going to spot her amongst this crowd of people. They were gathered for a parade of some sort. Tadase got onto the escalator to hopefully get a better view of the place. Soon, a very small person clambered atop a very tall float.

"Mashiro-san!"

She whirled around and spotted him. "Code 38!" she called out. "Ikuto is in the jewellery department on Level 3!" Wasting no time, she turned back around, stepped on the head of a man with enormous bright green hair, and leapt onto the side of a glass elevator which was currently heading upwards. Tadase was extremely glad she wasn't afraid of heights. The people inside the elevator seemed to think it was part of the parade, because they clapped and cheered.

Tadase arrived at the store and waited patiently outside. Ikuto was inside, examining some shelves with a perplexed look on his face. Seconds later, Rima arrived.

"Is he there?" she took out her binoculars and peered through them. "He is. Good."

"Yes, but... why are we here?" Tadase asked.

"Ikuto is buying Amu a gift. He's going to sneak into her bedroom tonight and surprise her."

"How do you _know_ this?"

"I'm Rima Mashiro."

"Touché."

They turned and watched as Ikuto glanced between three necklaces. Finally, he spoke to an employee, who unlocked a glass cabinet and handed a necklace to Ikuto for him to inspect it closer. The employee went back to sorting some other items, and Ikuto drummed his fingers indecisively.

Rima murmured quietly, "We have to somehow make him leave the store with the necklace still in his hands. Without paying for it. I could –"

Tadase thought while she was saying this, and then stepped out into Ikuto's plain sight. "Ikuto-niisan!" he called from just outside the store.

"What are you doing?" Rima hissed.

"Telling him the truth!" Tadase hissed back. Rima froze. He was _what?_ He was going to ruin their plans? He was giving up?

Ikuto glanced over. "Oh. Hey, Tadase," he said a little warily.

Tadase smiled like a child who had done something they were especially proud of. "Ikuto-niisan, guess what? Today I touched a girl's breast! In front of a large crowd of people!"

Oh. That truth.

Ikuto seemed unsure of what to do with this information for a moment. Then he smirked amusedly. "Good for you, Kiddy King."

Tadase's smiled widened. "Guess what else, Ikuto-niisan! That girl was Utau, and that large crowd of people was nationally broadcast television!" He beamed and threw his arms in the air emphatically.

Ikuto's face was still for a moment. His eyebrow twitched. "You... _what?_" His lip curled upwards in disgust and his eyes shone murderously, and suddenly he was storming towards Tadase at terrifying speed. "How _dare_ you –"

_Beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep!_

The jewellery store's alarm went off and Ikuto's expression changed from fury to shock. "I didn't..."

Two mall cops who had been loitering nearby were there in an instant. One took the necklace out of Ikuto's hands while the other one restrained his arms. "Jewellery theft? Uh-huh. Young adult male. Classic example."

"I'm innocent!" Ikuto protested.

The first cop secured cuffs around Ikuto's wrists. "Yeah, that's what they all say, kid." The cop tugged him along by the right elbow and the other took his left.

"Wait – where are you taking me?"

"Down to the station. If we determine that you're innocent, you'll be free to go."

Ikuto eyes widened pleadingly at Tadase. Tadase smiled, and Rima stepped forward.

"Wait right there!" Rima exclaimed. She lifted her nose authoritatively. "This is a misunderstanding. You can't arrest this man. He's been called off for military duty."

Both the cops and Ikuto eyed her sceptically. "...Military duty?"

"That's right. His forms are right here, you see?" She held out a bundle of papers. They bore the signs that marked them as an official government document, and read,

_Ikuto Tsukiyomi_

_20 years of age_

_Affirmed high ranking military personnel._

Ikuto took one look at Tadase's and Rima's happily glowing faces and his jaw dropped open. "You _enlisted_ me in the _military?_"

He didn't get a response, because the two mall cops suddenly bowed respectfully. "Oh – we are dreadfully sorry, Sir! We'll escort you to your embarkation point at once!"

"No, this is a misunderstanding –"

"Yes, it is! We have misunderstood you, Sir!" The cops grabbed Ikuto's arms with more gusto and began dragging him away. Ikuto twisted and kicked. They escorted him down the escalator and he tried to break free and run back up, to no avail. They hit the ground floor. Beginning to panic, Ikuto wrenched himself free of their grasp and leapt onto the nearest float. He was swamped by dancers who swung and gyrated around him until he fell into a confetti cloud, and frightened by the dancers, stayed there. Travelling at surprising speeds, the float quickly took Ikuto out of the mall. The mall cops tenaciously ran after it, shouting, "Sir! Let us escort you, Sir!"

Rima and Tadase leaned over the railing, watching this all in amusement. The last they saw of Ikuto was his terrified face poking out of a clump of confetti and streamers and hip-thrusting bodies, and then he was gone.

"Mashiro-san?" Tadase asked Rima after a moment's laughter.

"Yes?"

"Where is that float going?"

"To the next prefecture, I think."

They chuckled a little more. After a minute or so, Rima turned to Tadase with an angelic smile on her face.

Tadase suddenly felt nervous. He knew that look. "And now...?"

Rima's smiled widened until two sweet dimples appeared. "And now," she said, her voice twinkling with excitement and just a hint of something darker, "We go shopping."

Tadase felt a shiver go down his spine. Whether it was from the drunken thrill of havoc-wreaking or the dread that always found its way into his mind whenever Rima smiled like that, he wasn't entirely sure. But there was one thing he was certain of. Whatever Rima had in mind; it was clear that this was not going to be any ordinary shopping trip.

* * *

**Kitase-chan: Ah, the military. XD Ikuto always seems to get the short end of the straw in my stories, doesn't he?**

**Ikuto: TT^TT**

**Kitase-chan: Poor dear. You'll get by. Anyway, what did you guys think? Leave a review and let me know? :'D**

**Ikuto: She doesn't own Shugo Chara. Thank goodness.**

**Kitase-chan: Cx *Hugs Ikuto, who hisses and stalks away* Thanks for reading~!**


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